Making the “Best” Parenting Decisions in a Crazy World

TRISHA

I learned shortly after our oldest was born that things rarely go as planned with kids.  I’ve gotten a lot better at “pivoting” over the last twelve years and accepting what comes my way.  I truly don’t have control over most of it!

I envy the parents and people who can go with their gut and never look back.  That’s never been me!  I tend to agonize and second guess myself over nearly every single thing.  Especially when it comes to my kids.  I’ll research, troll the message boards and spend way too much time on the phone with my mom and sister.  And they don’t have the answers, either.  I think ultimately, as a parent, you have to be willing to accept an amount of trial and error and whatever those repercussions end up being.  I’ve tried lots of things that completely blew up in my face!  But, we switched gears and moved on.  I don’t think I’ve done any lasting damage…yet!

It’s so easy to fall into that trap of whatever your friend or sister or neighbor is doing and compare yourself.  And your kids.  Are they hitting their milestones?  Why won’t my son/daughter do what the neighbor kids do?  Or even the other way…why aren’t the neighbor kids as “good” as mine?  Everyone deserves a huge amount of grace and space.  I do my best to not judge anyone else and I know I come up short sometimes.  Especially now, in 2020, everyone has to do what’s best for them and that’s probably not the same for all.  That’s ok!  Hang in there, parents! 

CHAD

If there were a universal parenting playbook (which there is not), it would have been shredded in 2020.  There is no life experience that could have possibly prepared any family for online learning, social distancing, and all that has been thrown at us this year.  However, parents are amazing!  There has been so much creativity, willingness to improvise and a new found respect for how connected we truly are.  As a dad, I’m always trying to prepare my kids to “be ready”.  This year, that has meant being more open with them on what is happening in the world around them.  The balance is in trying not to force them to grow up to quickly while still giving them the tools they will need now and in the years to come. 

The “best” parenting decisions are the ones made with your partner.  My wife and I, while not always on the same page, do our best to present a united front and consistent message to our kids.  We model the behavior we expect from them.  When one of us is in the middle of a “teachable” moment with one of our kids, the other fully supports … and then we discuss later if we could have done it better. 

Our kids teach us as much as we teach them.  They are our world, and every decision we make is always from what we believe at the time to be in their best interest.  We’ve had the epic meltdowns and at times chosen to fight battles that become bigger than we originally intended.  At the end though, we step back and talk it through as a family.  While our kids are young, and have a great deal to learn … it is our job as parents to help them understand the decisions we make even if it isn’t the outcome they would like to see.  Pair that with a willingness to admit when we are wrong then we are truly teaching our kids how the world works around them.  As long as communication is solid, decisions come from the heart, and all sides are willing to listen to one another …. it is difficult to go wrong, even in this unforgettable year.  

LENELL

Recently, I have found myself repeating a phrase not only to the parents I interact with on a professional basis, but also to my friends who are parents and to myself every time I am faced with making a tough parenting choice.  There have been a lot of tough parenting decisions lately!

There may not be a “single best choice” so make the choice that is best for your child and your family.

As a parent the questions and decisions are many and overwhelming… do you send them back to school or keep them virtual,  how will you celebrate the holidays “with” family, how do I respond to those tough but alarmingly astute questions that children have a knack for asking about politics, racial injustice, the environment, and the biggie… when will everything be back to normal?

Recently I read an article about customized parenting.  My initial reaction was ugh another buzzword! Really, does everything have to be customized these days? However, the more I thought about this I acknowledged we are living in a complicated time and there isn’t a one right way to parent. As every parent with more than one child can attest, every child is unique with their own differing needs even in the same family. Not only do we place a lot of pressure on ourselves to always make the right decisions as parents, many of us also wonder are our parent friends judging our decisions.  Is my friend who sent her child back to school because of her concerns about online learning and socialization going to judge me for choosing to keep my child at home with virtual learning because I am concerned about health issues and supporting a friend whose immune system is weakened by her battle with cancer?  Both of us are coming at parenting from the same place – we want to make the best decisions for our children and model doing the right thing as a person.  Both of us have valid points but are either of us wrong?  

We are living in a country divided in many ways, not only financially and ideologically, but also by social distance.  The idea of customized parenting to best fit your family’s needs allows us to come together and support each other as parents.  We are all finding parenting challenging and its okay if there is no “one size fits all” decision. You have to find the decision that is your family’s custom fit.